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# File 'lib/top_recipes/jokes.rb', line 3
def self.all
[
"What if soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?",
"Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? A: Nacho cheese!",
"Q: What did the baby corn say to its mom? A: Where’s my pop corn?",
"Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? A: Because he was on a roll.",
"Shroom walks in a bar, bartender says 'Hey you can’t drink here.' Mushroom says 'Why not, I’m a Fun-gi!'",
"Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta.",
"Q: Why did the tomato blush? A: Because it saw the salad dressing!",
"Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes? A: They’d crack each other up!",
"Q. I tried to get into my house the other day, but I couldn’t. Wanna know why? A. Because I had gnocchi!",
"Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!",
"Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: 'Does anyone know what this is?'
Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.
Little Johnny replied: 'That's how Mommy knows supper is ready!'",
"This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had
died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years
mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their
mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master
bath suite and Jacuzzi.
As they 'oohed and aahed' the old man asked Peter how much all
this was going to cost.
'It's free,' Peter replied, 'this is Heaven.'
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course
that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges
everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing
the great golf courses on earth.
The old man asked, 'What are the green fees?'.
Peter's reply, 'This is heaven, you play for free.'
Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch
with the cuisines of the world laid out.
'How much to eat?' asked the old man.
'Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!' Peter replied
with some exasperation.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?' the old
man asked timidly.
Peter lectured, 'That's the best part...you can eat as much as you
like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get
sick. This is Heaven.'
With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his
hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.
Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was
wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, 'This is all your fault.
If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been
here ten years ago!'",
"Q: Why don't men cook at home? A: No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster.",
"How do women define a 50/50 relationship?
We cook- They eat.
We clean. They dirt.
We iron. They wrinkle.",
"A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner. As he
is sitting there he notices this bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes
one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another.
By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty. He says,
'Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts.'
'That's okay,' she says. 'They would have just sat there. Without my
teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back.'",
"Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
'101 Ways to Wok Your Dog'",
"A businessman had arranged an important formal dinner party at
his home where they were going to serve stuffed whole baked fish
as the main course. While the guests were eating the appetizer, the
cook came to the host and whispered 'Please come urgently to the
kitchen.' The host went to the kitchen where the cook explained that
while she was serving the starter, the cat ate a big chunk of the fish
which they were going to serve. The host said, 'Just fill the hole
with stuffing and turn the other side up, nobody will notice.'
The fish was served and when they were nearly finished eating, the
host was again called to the kitchen. The cook said, 'The cat is dead!'
The host rushed back to the dinner party and apologized, 'Something
was wrong with the fish and everyone must have their stomachs pumped
out at the hospital.' When they came back everything was still fine
and the host went to ask the cook, 'Where is the cat?'
'Oh,' said the chef, 'The cat is still by the road where the
truck ran it down!'"
]
end
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